So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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