we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
