So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
