if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize