Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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