Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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