Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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