how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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