You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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