I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
