I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
ttyl tear gas
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
