Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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