Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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