Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
