Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
