Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Pants are for mortals
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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