I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
