wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
