There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
