No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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