Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
my sisters under your porch take her home
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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