dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
