can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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