Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
