my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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