I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
