pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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