Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
