Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
