Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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