Kareoke will never be a sober sport
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
