You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Watching her eat just hurts me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
