You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
