i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
