life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
