Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
