Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
