actually, I'm a sock model
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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