i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
