wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
