im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
A bitchslap is in order.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
