You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
