i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
