Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
