The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
