May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize