I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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