Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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