The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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