hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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