if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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