not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
