lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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