i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
