Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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