yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
