I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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