Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
