Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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