my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Congratulations! We have a period
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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