Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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