who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
