the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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