Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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