So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
