you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
