I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
