Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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