i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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