i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
