Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
