Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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