Don't make out with my wife yet
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
