Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
