Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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