yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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