Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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