i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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