I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
