1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
