A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize