Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
