We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
