My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
