I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
