Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
