but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize