Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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