so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
