i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
