I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I skipped work to stalk him.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
