So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
