I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
