shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
