someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
