I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
