I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
