Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
